Im sure Mr Tartan Army will translate
OK, Here goes.
"Hello friends. I am an old dance pensioner from Glasgow on here reminiscing of the days when my pubic hair wasn't grey and i could still get it up for more than a nanosecond.
I learned my trade through Atlantis at the Sub Club from 1990 - 1994 when Harri, Stuart and Orde AKA Slam were at the helm. I still love the music but find myself listening to the old stuff from this era more than the new stuff.
When are 808 State coming back to Glasgow to see me? I saw the 808 DJ's at the Let's Go Back nights at the Riverside Club a few years ago but since then................nothing. These nights are back up and running if you fancy coming back?
What about a naked wrestling match with Baby Ford or something? I'll film it."